five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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