i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
