i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need to sanitize my soul.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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