I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
