apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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