Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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