It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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