yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
