I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
