if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
