Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
