so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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