i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
