how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
