I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize