Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize