dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
