Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
