he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
