I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
