Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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