Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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