Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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