I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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