My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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