the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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