Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
