You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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