You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm really busy with my period
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