im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
