Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
