Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
