A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
