i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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