we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
