I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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