I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
