I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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