Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
