Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
