flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
