Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
