I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
