just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I stole a fireplace last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
