I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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