Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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