I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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