Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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