I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
