I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize