he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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