i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize