I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
