you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
