so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
