party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
