So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
