Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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