The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
