I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
