and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
