From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
