So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
