my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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