Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
