I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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