My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
