4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
