What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
