if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
