We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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