Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
