she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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