Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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