Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
