For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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